back to a new normal

Sometimes I catch myself dreaming about when things will get back to normal. I tally the days since my last chemo and revel in the fact that I will no longer have the lead weights that attached themselves to my legs on days 3-11 and that the port and picc have been removed. I sink back into my bed and think; soon I’ll be able to sleep on my side again. All fine fantasies, but the problem is that I cannot let things get completely back to normal, because much of my normal wasn’t healthy. I need a new normal to embrace. And even though I’ve been working on it, I’m not quite there.
Just ask my daughter-- my holistic, organically inclined chef-- who has had a heck of time getting me to eat healthy foods. I could not eat the lentil or squash soup, and the roasted vegetables on crusty wheat bread. I have an annoying tendency to ask “where’s the meat?” Organic butter doesn’t taste right, I only like eggplant fried, “ala” parmesan, and I can no longer bear the smell, let alone taste of ginger which is supposed to be very good for me. What do I want? Campbell’s tomato soup (“But it’s loaded with sodium mom!”)
After she spent three hours cooking my friend’s wonderful risotto recipe, made with all ingredients that I like, for some reason (day 3 post chemo?) when combined, the very smell made me sick.
Can I nominate her for sainthood? The good news is that she sits down and eats and enjoys what she cooks. She is a very healthy eater (which I obviously can take no credit for.)
I have been told that my tastes will change. As I slowly adopt this better diet, I will begin to appreciate these newer tastes—things like whole wheat bread.
There is some improvement. While I still occasionally wrestle with my daughter over the salt shaker, I notice a vast difference in what I used to think was salty and what I think is salty now. (With the possible exception of Campbell’s Tomato Soup)
I recently came home with the news (typical of chemo people) that I am anemic. The nurses suggested steak!
My daughter told me I can get the same benefit from red lentils.
But even so, yesterday she came home with the food of my ultimate craving—an Arby’s roast beef sandwich.
My road to a new normal will obviously have a few twists and back switches.
It was delicious.